Eight powerful, disarming words are the secret to difficult conversations. Those who struggle with conflict aversion will find this particularly helpful.
"This is going to be an uncomfortable call."
Next time you're in a spot where you need to share something difficult or uncomfortable -- "saying the hard thing", I call it -- consider starting with this phrase above.
Doing this:
- sets expectations for the call
- gives the other person a moment to emotionally prepare
- shows that you empathize and feel the same discomfort
- commits yourself from the beginning, so you're not tempted to over-soften the message when it starts to get uncomfortable
There's quite a bit more to it than these three points above, but if you're in a conversation with an empathetic person, I'd say those are the most important.
Interestingly, this same phrase can help you bypass complex power dynamics and can also serve as a pattern interrupt. But be careful: this is a sharp knife. If you use this phrase and then share something mean or unproductive, you've instantly nuked your credibility moving forward.
So don't do that.
After leaving the backwoods of Tennessee, crossing 40 miles of desert with an oil pan patched with chewing gum, and surviving a tsunami in Saipan, Casey burst into the field of software development. A decade later, he's using his broad array of life experienced to build, mentor, and inspire amazing software engineering teams in the B2B SaaS space. If you join him for a beer, you might hear tales of how he retained 100% of his team during the great resignation, or the time he assisted a group of sailors to safety as their dock broke apart during hurricane Nichole.
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